Why can a partner's touch feel unsafe for those with childhood maltreatment?

A partner’s touch can feel unsafe for someone who had childhood maltreatment because it reminds them of bad times they remember from when they were little.

Imagine your favorite toy is a soft, cozy blanket you hug every night. It makes you feel safe and happy. But if someone took that blanket away, shook it roughly, or even threw it on the floor, you might start to feel scared whenever you see that same blanket again, even if it’s just sitting there quietly.

That's kind of what happens with people who had childhood maltreatment. Their body and mind remember how it felt when someone touched them in a hard or hurtful way. So when they're with their partner, and that person touches them gently, it can feel like the same rough touch from long ago, even if it's not at all mean.

Think about your toy again. If you were hugged tightly every night by someone who loved you, that warm hug would feel safe and nice. But if someone hurt you while touching you, like squeezing too hard or pulling you roughly, then even a gentle touch from your partner might feel like that same pain, just not as strong.

It's like the toy: it's still there, but now it reminds you of being hurt instead of feeling safe.