How Does Talking to an Avoidant about Needs Work?

Talking to an avoidant about needs is like trying to get your friend to share their favorite toy, but they’re hiding it under a pile of blankets.

Avoidants are people who don’t like to face problems head-on. When you talk to them about what you need, it can feel like you're pulling the blanket away from their cozy hideout.

Imagine your friend has a super cool toy that they love. They know it's really fun, but if you ask for it, they might get worried or even sad, because they’re afraid you’ll take it forever or they won’t get to play with it again. That’s how avoidants feel when you talk about needs.

They might say things like “I don’t know,” “Maybe later,” or “You can have it sometime.” It's not that they don't care, it's just that facing the need feels too big, too scary, or too hard right then.

But if you stay calm and kind, and keep reminding them of how much fun it is to share, little by little, they might start to come out from under that blanket.